8 Large Men Chelsea Could Sign at Centre Forward After Andy Carroll & Peter Crouch Speculation

?Poor Antonio Conte.

The Italian tactician has spent the better part of the last month sniping back at Manchester United boss Jose Mourinho after he labelled him a ‘clown’ on the touchline, and after he was dug out for his involvement with match-fixing earlier in his career. Conte was of course acquitted, but that didn’t stop Jose.

Conte’s Chelsea side have yet to win a game in 2018 – most recently scraping by Norwich on penalties in the FA Cup – and his players are knackered. Who’d have thought having such a small squad would become a problem at this stage of the season?

Crystal Palace v Chelsea - Premier League

In fairness to Conte, he’s tried to bolster his ranks. But disagreements over the profile of player the club should be signing with the Chelsea board have scuppered a number of deals. They’re actively looking for a striker though, and have targeted the likes of Edin Dzeko (?okay, fair), Andy Carroll (?LOL), Peter Crouch (?WOW) within the last few days. 

These players all seem to fit the bill as ‘target man’ strikers. And before Chelsea end up approaching every tall man on the planet to give Alvaro Morata some back up, we thought we’d help them narrow their search a bit. 

Here’s eight alternative striking targets for the reigning champions.

Fernando Llorente

Atalanta BC v Juventus - Serie A

Look, Conte’s worked with him before. He enjoyed having the Spaniard at Juventus, and it was well publicised that he wanted to sign him again before he opted to join Tottenham last summer. They’ve also ?been linked this week.

It’s not exactly gone to plan for Llorente at Spurs so far – he’s only scored one league goal for them – so he could well be on the market.

Christian Benteke

Crystal Palace v Burnley - Premier League

Benteke is still relatively young (27), wouldn’t really cost too much, and he’s got massive Premier League experience. So the Belgian – who has also played for Liverpool – could well fit the bill.

He’s has not exactly had an easy time at Crystal Palace this season (we all remember that penalty he stole and missed in injury time, right?) so it might not even be that the Eagles miss him that much.

Emmanuel Adebayor

Chelsea v Tottenham Hotspur - Premier League

Cheap option. ?Hates Arsenal. Needs THREE more goals to become a member of the Premier League 100 club and has eight in 13 in the Turkish top flight this year. Has played for almost every club in London – so Chelsea would basically complete the set.

Simon Makienok

Bristol City v Preston North End - Sky Bet Championship

I’m being self-indulgent with this one, but Simon Makienok was a real bad-ass for this writer in my ‘Co-Op Seasons’ mode on FIFA 14 with Brondby. 

You could literally cross the ball in to him anywhere in the box, and he’d score. He’s 6ft 7in. He even earned the nickname ‘Tall Guy’ because of his aerial dominance on the game. 

Let’s just ignore the fact that he’s had two failed spells with Charlton and Preston though, and the fact that he can barely get a game for Utrecht at present.

Zat Knight

Bolton Wanderers v Sheffield Wednesday - npower Championship

Has Premier League experience. Is tall asf. Is 37 (the same age as Peter Crouch, nearly).

Jan Koller

Spartak Moscow v Krylia Sovetov Samara - Russian Premier League

This would be some turn up for the books.

Those if you who’ve been football fans for a decade or more will have fond memories of this former Czech Republic international. He was quite a handful alongside the likes of Pavel Nedved, Milan Baros and Tomas Rosicky in the second coming of their ‘Golden Generation’, and remains to this day their all-time leading goalscorer with 55.

The Czech national team were actually ranked SECOND in the world going into the 2006 World Cup, and Koller was the spearhead. He never had the chance to play in the Premier League either.

Braun Strowman


This one is probably going to be the most difficult one of the lot to pull off.

Braun Strowman is not a footballer, but he is a sh*t-hot WWE Superstar at the moment, and he’s got the chance to win the Universal Championship at the Royal Rumble.

He was fired on RAW last week by General Manager Kurt Angle, but then went on an ?absolute rampage on the roster, the production truck, and everything else in sight before being re-instated…out of fear.

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Strowman is Vince McMahon’s new project, but surely with enough money on offer he’ll be willing to do business.

Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson


Everyone knows ‘The Mountain’ from Game of Thrones, don’t they?

Interesting alternative to Strowman, to be honest. Though he’d potentially be more interested in a big financial offer now he’s not taking part in World’s Strongest Man competitions.

One plus point is that the Icelandic powerhouse actually has some interest in football too, as ?@Andy_Headspeath points out: “He has previous with football as welI. Remember during Euro 2016 when he threatened to crush Ronaldo’s face if he scored against Iceland?”

He’d strike the fear of God into defenders…

Hope this list helps you out, Chelsea decision-makers. 

Or if you’re still not happy, try picking up a beanpole from ?Coppice Products’ online shop.


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